Tuesday, April 28, 2009

Choosing life continued.....




How do we give ourselves over to life again, despite the hurt that it sometimes brings?

Last week, my fabulous cousin (hugs and kisses Kells) called to tell me about a movie that her son accidently ordered on the box called Yes Man. She ended up watching it since it had already ordered and was pleasantly surprised. She convinced me that I should watch it and I decided to give it try (even though I am not a big fan of comedy).

The movie is basically about a man that has closed himself off of living life. Any time any opportunity is presented to him, like say hanging out with friends, he always said NO. He ends up attending a conference hosted by a new age guru who invites him to take on a covenant with himself to say yes to everything despite what it is or how ridiculous it may seem. As he begins to do this, new amazing opportunities begin to take shape in his life, as he begins to try things that he has never thought of doing before. He ends up meeting this girl who is totally his opposite-spontaneous, fun and outgoing and of course they end up falling in love.

What I learned is that by saying no to things and placing limits on myself I have closed a part of myself off from truly living life fully. Although the intention may be there to live life fully awake and engaged, it is doing the do that causes things to happen. I feel as if I have allowed people, situations and events in my life to hurt the love out of me-so I’m trying to start over- new and fresh but it is not as easy as it may seem and it takes time, putting one foot in front of the other. I recently met a friend who has showed me that it all starts with just giving of myself, not holding back and not being afraid to letting go.

But it is a process and I have realized that I have to be easy with myself and take my time. It reminds me of this entry that I found on my favourite author’s blog (as you can probably tell by now, I love quotes!):

The warrior of the light is waking from his sleep. He thinks: “I don’t know how to deal with this light, it makes me grow.” Nonetheless, the light does not disappear. The warrior thinks: “Changes will have to be made that I don’t have the will to make.” The light continues there- because “will” is a very tricky word. So the warrior’s eyes and heart begin to grow used to the light. He does not get scared, he begins to accept his Legend, even though it means running risks. The warrior has been sleeping for a long time. It is only natural that he wakes up little by little.

Today I learned the importance of saying YES!

Love and Light,

Saran

Saturday, April 25, 2009

Feel the fear and do it!




Last night I pushed myself to do something that I have never done and was even afraid of doing. I realized that fear is just an emotion-I worked myself up into a frenzy of fear when fear itself was only a moment to go through. By limiting myself to step into the fear I realized that I was creating a reality for myself that was limiting. Once I was on the other side I realized that it really isn’t as bad as it seems-you just have to feel the fear and take a step; the rest will take care of itself.

Today I learned that feelings like fear are just feelings to go through and the limits that I place on myself aren’t real.

Love and light,

Saran

Friday, April 24, 2009

All Talk...




This week I got to thinking about the weight that I attach to the things people say. I realized that it really makes no sense to attach anything to what people say because their actions speak the truth.

I learned that what really matters is action: take what people do over what they say because most of the time talk is only fluff when it is not backed with action.


Love and light,

Saran

Monday, April 20, 2009

Remaining Open


While watching one of my favourite movies, Amelie, something really resonated with me. Towards the end of the movie, Amelie is told:

So my little Amelie, your bones aren’t made of glass. You can take life’s knocks. If you let this chance go by, eventually your heart will become as dry and brittle as a skeleton. So go ahead, dammit!

Today I was reminded that being alive is about taking risks, which is easier said than done but definitely worth the effort!

Love and Light,


Saran

Saturday, April 18, 2009

Choice and self-love





I am writing this today in a bit of a kerfuffle. I feel as if every day I am learning something new about myself, the world and how I exist in it or I am reminded about things that I should remember but at times forget. Sometimes it is hard to look at and I have to choose to want to see.

Yesterday was an interesting eye opener for me. In a conversation with two friends, on two separate occasions, the same theme came up: choice. With one friend, we discussed the choice to live-that is to say yes to life is a choice that every day, we consciously make. This got me thinking that every moment is a choice that I choose to live-I choose to enjoy the nice weather or I choose to complain about the bad weather. In the same way I believe that we choose how we decide to experience life-I choose to let people get to me or I choose not to, I choose to focus on the good things in my life or to focus on the bad. It really all rests in my hands and although it seems like a simple endeavour, it can be quite difficult.

In another conversation, a friend told me that love is a choice. To me, this means that at the end of the day, I choose who I love whether that person can reciprocate or not; just like the person I love chooses to love me in return. In relationships, we make a conscious choice to choose to love someone and in the same way that they choose to love back. But what if they choose not to? What do we do in that instance?

I think that these two choices, the choice to live and the choice to love are related. They all relate to our love for ourselves. In particular, for me, the choice to live and the choice to love is directly related to loving me: it is an expression of choosing how I want to live, as well as choosing the moments and the circumstances that I choose to invite into my life.

But this is a fine balance that I have to walk and it is often very hard to make this choice. It is hard because in this world, I believe that we (especially women and mothers) are taught to neglect ourselves and sacrifice ourselves for the happiness of other. It is at times when I find it the hardest that I remember that the love for myself should come first. And I remember something that I was once told: Once a friend told me that I should allow the love for myself to drive my every move and action. And she told me that all of my actions should be determined by my true desires in my life and that I should love myself harder and harder every day. I was reminded of this at today because I feel as if sometimes I am so influenced by what others think, when in fact how I feel and what I want to do should be my first priority.

Today I learned to choose life, choose love and choose ME-every time!


Love and Light,


Saran

P.S. I invite your feedback: what do you think? Do we really choose life and love?

Tuesday, April 14, 2009

The Revolutionary Road




I finally got to watch the movie Revolutionary Road with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio and it was amazing! Despite the amazing acting, the movie had a really important message: be who you are and do what you want no matter what anyone thinks.


The movie is about a young married couple who appear to have the “perfect” life-the house, the car, the kids and the job but, they are miserably unhappy. The movie takes you on a journey of their lives as they try to make sense of the emptiness and unhappiness that they are experiencing. They realize that they are living by society’s rules of what it means to be happy and attempt to take a risk and go against what is considered the “right” and “responsible” thing to do, only to face criticism, judgment and temptation from all directions.


I really enjoyed this movie because it is about going with what you feel and what you know is true for you-despite what anyone thinks, says or does. It is about truly living authentically from your heart and as the movie clearly illustrates, this takes a lot of courage. I like the way the movie questioned society’s standards of happiness and despite being set in the 50’s or 60’s, many of these standards still exist today.

I appreciated this movie because it reminded me that life is really lived when you begin to run risks and embrace what you know is true for you. Don’t get me wrong, I know that this is an extremely difficult thing to do, and every day presents opportunities for me to run risks which I often don’t pay attention to. But I think that maybe it can start with small things, small steps towards fiercely and intensely being who I truly am (which in itself is a challenge on its own). But I realize that I can’t do it any differently because I can’t be happy any other way.
This movie reminds me of a poem by the poet Hafiz, entitled It Felt Love:
How
Did the rose
Ever open its heart
And give to this world
All Its
Beauty?
It felt the encouragement of light
Against its
Being,
Otherwise,
We all remain
Too Frightened.

Today I learned that I should walk by the beat of my own drum-be who I am, no matter what!

Love and Light,
Saran



P.S. Check out the movie if you have the chance...you will not be disappointed!

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Choosing Your Battles





Today’s entry is short but sweet!


Today I was reminded how important it is to choose your battles. It seems like this is a constant message in my life and is sometimes hard to stand by. Being the passionate person that I am, I tend to feel attached to things that I believe in and stand for. But sometimes, you have to decide what’s worth fighting for and the reasons behind why you feel you should fight this particular battle. But, more times than not, at the end of the day, some things are just not worth the drama and the energy.


Today I learned to recognize when to fight and when to walk away.

Love and Light,

Saran

Monday, April 6, 2009

Perspectives of Reality



Before I get down to the nitty gitty of this entry I just wanted to thank you all for your support and kind words. I am excited to see what manifests from this on-line journal. I am also interested in your comments and feedback. I know that some of you have been having trouble leaving comments. I will look into it and post the solution once I figure it out.

So this is my first real blog entry and the beginning of my journal that I want to keep for six months. !For those who know me, you know that I am a thinker, always looking for answers in everything I do. I must say it has been a challenge over the past couple of days-deciding what to write, deciding what truly reflects me and my experience. So here it goes....

Today I had to be in the city at a school to attend a meeting. The school is located in a part of the city close to where I spent close to 24 years of my life until I decided to move into the country. It is an areas which has been subject to a lot of violence. It is also an area which I seem to be continuously and curiously drawn back to.

I arrived early to my meeting and decided to sit in sit in my car, eat breakfast and enjoy some music before I went inside. I coudn’t have been in my car for more than 5 minutes when I police car drove by. The police officer rolled down the window and put is head out the window look into my car. I saw this as a sign for me to hurry up and finish before it became more of an issue than it needed to be. I went inside, only to see the officer stop a young person on the street, for reasons that are unknown to me.

Now just to make it clear, the intentions (or should I say perceived intentions) and actions of the officer is not an issue for me and is not really the focus of this story.

What I realized in that moment is that so many people in this world are subject to different realities of existence-that are totally different, but no less valid in comparison to mine. Either because of where they live, how they look, what they do for a living or even something as simple as walking down the street. This isn’t by any means new to me but it was a remainder that shouldn’t be easily forgotten.

I experienced the reality of being in a high poverty, violent area which is very different from my privileged experience in the suburbs. The youth that was stopped is also well aware of the reality that he faces living where he does. Just like the officer was probably working from a perspective of safety (although I could not really know for sure) to ensure the safety of the students at that school (and rightly so!). These are the experiences and encounters that produce different realities for each and every one of us.

I was reminded that my reality is one of many- like the police officer was only acting from his own reality and the youth who was living the reality of his experience. And even though I already know this, I think that I forgot it for a moment-I forgot how the comfort of my reality is not everyone else’s comfort and reality. Different situations can impact people in some significant ways. It is something that I can never lose touch with because it is within these different realities that true light and meaning can be found.

The truth of the matter is that people only act from what they know and from their own perspective of reality-which differs from mine, yours and the other person. In that brief encounter with the officer, we were both working out of our own realities which are coloured by a combination of our own personal histories, experiences judgments and assumptions. All of this came together in one brief encounter. It was like the movie CRASH except we both don’t have the privilege of being the audience, who have a full understanding of the details of the character's stories and we didn’t have insight into where the other person was coming from.

In this sense, I was reminded that I can never forget different people’s perspectives and the reality of their life experience because it colours their words and actions in ways that I may not fully understand or even be aware of. This experience reminded me that I should choose my reactions carefully because most of the time people are only acting from their own experience of what they know and more often than not, it has both nothing and everything to do with me.

Today I learned to remember to be open and respectful of the perspectives of other people’s reality. This is the first step to true understanding.

Love and Light,
Saran

Saturday, April 4, 2009

Everyday Master



I have decided to begin this blog with a very intentional purpose. I am a huge fan of Paulo Coelho, a Brazilian author who has written the most amazing books that have had a profound influence in my life. I am also an intense follower of his blog which I check on a regular basis (check it out at http://paulocoelhoblog.com/).


I usually find really insightful material on his page that either validates my experiences or tells me exactly what I need to hear. I became particularly inspired with one of his entries called Everyday Master. In this entry, Paulo discusses how someone once asked him to teach her something important. In response, he told her that she should keep a diary for the next 6 months called Everyday Masters, because (and I quote) "We always learn something different between dawn and dusk: why not write it down?" I instantly became inspired.


I thought that it would be a great idea to take up myself and it couldn't have been more perfect time. I am a strong believer that everything you need to know is right in front of you but you just have to take the time to be present and notice it. At the present moment, I feel as if I am being reinvented (hence the picture above). I feel like there are many times in your life when the old things that used to work for you, no longer work and we are constantly in a state of reinvention where we attempt to redefine ourselves.


I presently feel as if I am in this state of flux-of knowing but not knowing, being present and being absolutely lost at the same time. In the past this would have set me into a state of panic but I am beginning to become accustomed to this state of limbo if you will.


So while I am in this state of total and absolute doubt and curiosity, I thought that this would be a perfect way to discover all that is in front of me....waiting to be discovered. I have decided to take on the challenge of the Everyday master in attempts to pay attention to the little things that happen in our lives that we often are too busy to see. I call these serendipitous events Magical Moments (hence the title of this blog) because they instantly remind you that the universe is always conspiring.


I don't know how this journey will turn out but I am excited to find out and hope that you will take this journey with me.


That being said, I will end this entry with a quote, as I embark into the unknown. This quote is from the book Twilight by Stephenie Meyer. The main character Bella is conversing with her vampire boyfriend Edward. Edward says, "It is twilight. It's the safest time for us. the easiest time. but also the saddest in a way. the end of another day, the return of the night. Darkness is so predictable, don't you think?" To this, Bella replies, "I like the night. Without the dark we'd never see the stars."


Light and love,


Saran