Choice and self-love

I am writing this today in a bit of a kerfuffle. I feel as if every day I am learning something new about myself, the world and how I exist in it or I am reminded about things that I should remember but at times forget. Sometimes it is hard to look at and I have to choose to want to see.

Yesterday was an interesting eye opener for me. In a conversation with two friends, on two separate occasions, the same theme came up: choice. With one friend, we discussed the choice to live-that is to say yes to life is a choice that every day, we consciously make. This got me thinking that every moment is a choice that I choose to live-I choose to enjoy the nice weather or I choose to complain about the bad weather. In the same way I believe that we choose how we decide to experience life-I choose to let people get to me or I choose not to, I choose to focus on the good things in my life or to focus on the bad. It really all rests in my hands and although it seems like a simple endeavour, it can be quite difficult.

In another conversation, a friend told me that love is a choice. To me, this means that at the end of the day, I choose who I love whether that person can reciprocate or not; just like the person I love chooses to love me in return. In relationships, we make a conscious choice to choose to love someone and in the same way that they choose to love back. But what if they choose not to? What do we do in that instance?

I think that these two choices, the choice to live and the choice to love are related. They all relate to our love for ourselves. In particular, for me, the choice to live and the choice to love is directly related to loving me: it is an expression of choosing how I want to live, as well as choosing the moments and the circumstances that I choose to invite into my life.

But this is a fine balance that I have to walk and it is often very hard to make this choice. It is hard because in this world, I believe that we (especially women and mothers) are taught to neglect ourselves and sacrifice ourselves for the happiness of other. It is at times when I find it the hardest that I remember that the love for myself should come first. And I remember something that I was once told: Once a friend told me that I should allow the love for myself to drive my every move and action. And she told me that all of my actions should be determined by my true desires in my life and that I should love myself harder and harder every day. I was reminded of this at today because I feel as if sometimes I am so influenced by what others think, when in fact how I feel and what I want to do should be my first priority.

Today I learned to choose life, choose love and choose ME-every time!

Love and Light,

Saran

P.S. I invite your feedback: what do you think? Do we really choose life and love?