Being Vulnerable

I received this message in my inbox today. The timing couldn't be more perfect.

It said:

There's a joy in living real. No pretense. No defense. No offense. It takes great strength to show our weaknesses to the world.When we are displaying control or anger, what are we really showing? How weak we are. We take it out on everyone around us because we are afraid to be real.Be vulnerable today. Get in touch with those jelly feelings hiding beneath the hard façade.

What a wake up! Thanks universe!

Love and light,

S

Surrender and trust the process...

Everything that I do has to have with it an opportunity for me to shine. By this I mean that I have to be able to truly and fully be who I am in every aspect of me life. If I can't be myself then I can't do it.

Recently I have been trying to practice the art of surrender; allowing myself to trust the process, surrender to what is and just be. This has proven to be a difficult task for me as I have the habit of overworking to reveal the light in everything. You can only imagine how tiring this can be.

Then today I came across this quote, innocently yet boldly written on a wall:

Relying on outside things for happiness is like trying to catch a cloud with a lasso.

When I saw this it was like a lightbulb went off in my head. I came to the realization that I was relying too much on external circumstances for my own fulfillment. I have been attaching myself to results outside of myself to make me happy.

Now that I know this, I have to readjust my sails and allow things to unfold as they should without losing myself in it all. This is quite the balancing act and will take some getting used to but I have to remember that everything is always being rewritten.

Love and light,

S

Pushing beyong limits

I saw this quote on the wall in the change room at my yoga studio today. It said:

I write, erase, rewrite, erase again and then a poppy blooms - Hokushi

I took it as a metophor of the cycle of birth and rebirth in life. We are always recreating ourselves, adjusting ourselves to the winds of challenge that face us. And that's okay because there is always a gift that is given when we continue moving forward. Every challenge has light in it and it is the light, not the darkness that guides us.

Today I took on a challenge of my own. I went to a yoga class with a teacher who really challenges us to go beyond what we think is possible for us. The first class I went to of hers was when I first started yoga and I found it very, very challenging. She really pushed us and I crumbled. I felt like I couldn't do it and it would be too hard to return to her class.

Coming to this class, my confidence level was built up and I felt that I could do it. She opened the class by asking us what we feared and she wanted us to release that in our session today.

I am proud because I did it and I stuck it through and it felt good to know that I could push passed the fear and anxiety of it all.

So like the quote above, I tried, failed, tried again and the gift was received.

Thank you universe for showing me what is possible!

I am grateful....

Light and love,

S

Yoga...Ommmm

I love yoga!

It's something that I can do that gives me the exercise and release that I need. It has such a spiritual aspect to it as well that deeply moves me every time. And I love the feeling of spaciousness and grounding that I am guaranteed to get every time I leave a yoga class.

I have been blessed to find a great yoga studio in my area, in a beautiful space with fabulous teachers. I remember the first time that I went. I contemplated going for a long time and I was very nervous to go. But the universe always seems to bring you the people you need to support you wherever you are.

I remember initially trying out different teachers and classes, until I came across the most amazing teacher. She is deeply spiritual, supportive and moving. But she has this way of knowing exactly what I need and what I need to hear-it's really amazing.

One class recently was particularly moving for me. It was a really moving, intense class and a lot was released for me. I also remember having some trouble settling my mind and staying focused in this class as well. Toward the end of the class my yoga teacher began to disclose stuff about her life. She said that she came to realize throughout her life that all she had to do was just be and that alone was perfect enough. She then quoted a song from one of her favourite artists and the line from the song was: "Get out of bed. Get out of your mind. And get to dreaming."

In that moment I realized just how much time I spend consumed and distracted by things around me. Placing me energy into things that don't really matter when there are more important things to be focused on-like dreaming. I am a really big dreamer and often find myself lost in daydreaming about things that I want to see happen. Dreaming has allowed me to see so many things come to pass that I never thought would be possible. It is important to dream and when you get caught up in the busyness of daily life sometimes the dreaming gets lost.

So, get out of bed, get out of your mind and start dreaming.

This will be my new mantra.

Love and light,

S

The beauty of being held

I have been meaning to write about this for awhile now but for some reason, I’ve never gotten around to giving it the attention in my blog that it deserves.

Last year, my practicum for school was at a social service organization that provides bereavement support for people who have lost someone close to them. I remember when I first got the placement I immediately wondered what I was meant to learn from this experience.

I’ve learned many things from this experience that I will carry with me for the rest of my life. Despite learning how I could do my job better, it was also a true experience of awakening that occurred on so many different levels. It was truly a magical experience filled with tons of A-Ha! Moments at every turn along the way.

But one of the most important things that I learned is what real relationships are. They should be based on mutual support of each other- no one person is burdened by the problems of the other and both people are equally held in their moment, whatever that may be. Along with this comes the idea of telling your story and being open about what you are feeling, without judgment or feeling uncomfortable.

Being held in your moment is such a beautiful experience because you are being accepted just the way you are, faults and all. For me, this is what love is- being held by another person when you are truly and authentically you.

Recently, I have had the chance to be held like this and I am grateful for having these people in my life. It is a beautiful acceptance of my humanity and ultimately, who I am as a person.

And now, I have to quote Michael Jackson’s song Will You Be There? It’s unfortunate because I knew just how brilliant he was as an artist but it was only after his death, and my own life experiences that I could truly appreciate the depth of his music.

In the song Michael sings:

Hold me, like the river Jordan, and I will then say to thee you are my friend. Carry me, like you are my brother, love me like a mother, will you be there?

Light and love,

S

Summer Lessons

This summer I made a conscious choice to take the summer off to revitalize, renew and re-energize. I usually seem to make decisions like this, as I have to allow my be my heart to lead the way and do what's best for me desptie what is considered the "right" thing to do. Going against the grain seems to be my thing.

As I re-enter into the hustle and bustle of life once again, I thought it would be a good idea to make a list of the things that I learned or was able to foster as a result of my choice to rest this summer. Every time I choose to share something like this I question what people will think because I am sharing such an intimate part of myself. But I quickly realize how important and healing it is to be able to write this blog and the fear vanishes.

Now... to the list:

* closer relationship with son and a deeper appreciation for who is as a person (which is priceless)

* my decision to go natural: I never realized just how unsatisfied I was with my permed hair and this summer I actually was able to begin this process

* felt my heart begin to awaken again

* opened myself up to new people and friendships

* more self-discovery and time to be with myself: able to experience deeper dimensions of myself

* lots more time to crystal hunt: discovered fantastic stores and magical places

* commitment to yoga and reaping its benefits

* lots more time to daydream and use positive visualizations

* learned the importance of slowing down and taking time for myself and my family

Overall, I learned that if I didn't take this time, these wonderful things may have been realized much later or even not at all. I am grateful....

Love and light,

S

Stars

I found this story today on a blog that I follow:

It was Christmas eve, several years ago and I stopped by to a coffee shop to take a break from all the gift-shopping. I was also carrying some books in case I felt like reading, and a sketchbook and my pencils, so I took them out of the bag and relaxed myself and started drawing. After an hour or so, it seemed to me like I had plunged in another world; a world where I felt alive, where fairytales really existed, and witches and magic beans were not products of some writer’s imagination.

Then after a while,a light seemed to blind me. I stopped drawing, and I looked up.
A man had entered, wearing the most absurd clothes, like having come out of a fairytale; green tights, a check t-shirt and carrying a big bag. He went over towards my table.
“You ’ve got many books there. Have you possibly read “Mister God, this is Anna”? ”.This clicked!How can a stranger speak about God? And how did he know my name?
“May I buy you something to eat?” I asked. He seemed poor.“No, thank you. But instead you can pick anything from my bag, and give me whatever you think it is its value”.

So I took a look at the bag, full of toys - instantly I thought “was he Santa disguised?” - but then I saw that tiny ladybird, a symbol of renewed life, made possibly with clay. I picked it up, and gave him what I thought it was worth.

“You are very generous, so I ’ll tell you a secret;” he said.“Everyone is a star. All of us are stars. And the time comes when the stars fall. But till then, we can shine so immensely that we can shed light in the darkness of the sky, and hopefully our light will carry other stars along with us and shine more brightly.”He said these words, and he left;leaving the ladybird on the table!The light faded and faded, and it was like I had woken up from a dream, but all of this was real!

I thought that it was beautiful and it reminds me of something that I wrote one night when I couldn't sleep:

Couldn’t sleep last night and something deep within me quietly said go look outside for stars. We always hear how beautiful the stars are but have you ever really looked? You should, you won’t be disappointed. For everyone who has ever questioned their own existence or if this world is in some way orchestrated by someone/thing bigger than ourselves, a Source, please look at the stars.

I realized that at that precise moment in my life, everything in my life led me here, in that exact spot, being so close to something that seemed so far away. I was 20, living in a town I never thought I would, happy enjoying my life but mostly learning to love myself.

To think that I could instantly look out my bedroom window and instantly connect with my Source and know I was not alone. I instantly felt the connection of how important I am in this universe but also how insignificant I am at the same time. To know that everything had been orchestrated for me to be at the window that particular night made me fells so loved, so wanted, so at home.

Looking at the stars also reminded me of who God created us to be. He created us to be brilliant, bold and bright. To give all of ourselves even if we didn’t have any more to give, even when the clouds cover us and the rain may temporarily displace out beauty. To shine out brightest in the face of adversity, fear and confusion. We were sent here to be the best of ourselves and even though you may not know it you have it within you to shine your brightest right NOW! Just become like the stars and BE who you are deep within your being. And always remember that you are not alone- all you have to do is look up at the stars.

What a beautiful reminder of how much we are loved!

Love and light,

S